you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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