HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
