Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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