come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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