I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
