They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
