I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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