i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
