You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
