just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
