Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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