She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
