omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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