dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
