why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
