I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize