What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
