at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
