matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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