i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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