I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
