youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
