He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
