god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
