shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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