How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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