Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
