i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
