i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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