dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Randomize
