Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
