Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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