Your tits are I can't wait for
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
