Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
