Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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