I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
