why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
