If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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