Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
