if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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