hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
