I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
