i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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