were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
