I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
