your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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