so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
