come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
