You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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