worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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