Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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