yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
