please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
