Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
