he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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