So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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