a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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