Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
