Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
