Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
