I met the friendliest cop last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
