i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
