Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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