I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
