please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
