I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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