i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
