OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
