just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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