The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
