Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
