I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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