'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
