I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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