90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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