Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
