I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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