i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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