3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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