goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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