My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
