She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
